It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
