sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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