At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
