I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
