Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
