id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have aggressive nipples.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
