It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
