Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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