Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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