You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
