just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
