tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
