the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
