My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
