I molested 6 butterflies tonight
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
