girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
