Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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