Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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