Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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