Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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