She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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