She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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