is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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