if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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