I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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