Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
