when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
