I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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