well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
