I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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