Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
