I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
