I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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