How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
