I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
