Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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