I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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