Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
