I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
