Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I have post one night stand depression
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
