im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
