i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
