All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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