Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
