yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
