ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
They took my balls.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
