spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
