Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
