grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
