Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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