dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Of course I have a pirate flag
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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